Why We Work

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm writing about the reasons why Dom and I work. Thank you to Bonnie from The Life of Bon for the idea!

We work because he lets me do my thing on my computer and when I'm done and I want to go to bed, he comes with me even if he isn't done doing his thing.

We work because he can cook meat and I can cook pasta.

We work because I can never admit that Julian needs a second/third nap and instead of listening to him cry more, Dom will just put him to bed.

We work because he doesn't judge me when I need to take 50 pictures of one invitation or birth announcement that I had printed. Or when I have to take 60 pictures of my desk and a corner of our kitchen. He actually tries to slap my butt because he knows it will ruin the picture. Then I get mad so he laughs and lets me continue in peace.

We work because if I miss a glob of hair in the shower drain, he gets it out. But also never fails to remind me of it.

We work because we like to be silly before we settle down to go to sleep. We have our own "language" that sort of sounds like German, Russian, and some Nordic language all mixed together. Don't get us started because we won't stop.

We work because we like having people over for casual drinks and food. (And merriment.) He sweeps and makes chicken wing dip, I set up the glasses and make sure the presentation is impeccable.

We work because we root for eachother when there's something we're excited about.

We work because we can both be realistic about our future together, and what our timeline looks like. What continuing our family will look like and when it would happen.

We work because I take things seriously and he doesn't take things serious enough. He helps me remember that some things aren't so serious and I remind him that some things need some immediate attention.

We work because he's simple and easy to please and I can be a little more high mantenance.

We work because we both love movies about ancient Rome or Greece, Mythology, any type of superhero, and were both excited to see Pompeii when it comes out.

We work because we both love late night snacking. I'm always down for a McDouble at 10 p.m. Bad? Yeah.

So there, those are some of the reasons why we "work". Some are silly and some I could write about for days, but they're all special to us.

The best part about writing these was asking Dom what he thought about it, and he said "Just because I love ya, duh!" So sweet! See what I mean now about him being simple?

And then of course he said "And because I'm stuck with you now!"

Such a sweetie.

Participate in this link-up by adding this picture to your post and adding your link to Bonnie's post!

A Year and a Half is Hard

You can see the curiosity here, and also how many times he tried to defy "no".

The weeks following Julian’s 18 month “birthday” have been really tough ones for me and Dom. Julian has never been the whining, crying type of baby, only when he was tired or hungry was he upset or needy. When he was a newborn, I’d say he was pretty needy, but who isn’t?

The past few weeks have been a real test of our patience, and I don’t know whether it’s been because of the move and the strange living situation in the weeks before it, or if it’s because he was sick all last week that it made things worse. Is it because he’s been stuck inside and at home for too long because of the weather and not having a car to get up and go in?

I hope it’s not something that we’ve done or that we’re doing wrong. I hope it’s just something that he’s going through, like maybe he’s just becoming a curious little boy that would rather see what happens if he ignores “no” and does it anyways.

Whatever the reason is, I know it doesn’t help when I get stressed out about it and impatient with him. I know it only makes things worse by being in a bad mood, but there’s nothing that makes me more miserable than when Julian is miserable and naughty.

At this age, you wonder how much they really understand and how often they know the difference between right and wrong. One would think that after dousing your mother two, three, five, six, and seven times with a cup of bathwater that you would get the hint that it’s not the thing to do if you want to finish your bath in a positive way. But who knows, maybe he thinks it’s funny when I end bath time right then and there.

But, it’s a new week and he was very cooperative this morning, so I hope that means he, like I, has decided that yesterday was a terrible day and that no day should ever be that terrible again.

It’s hard to stay mad about the previous day when you’re greeted with “Hi Momma!” and then he slides down the stairs on his butt, telling you all about what must have been a very interesting dream.

You've Been Good to me, 2013

Image & Free Printable Source

As the hours left in 2013 begin to disappear, I’m finding myself thinking especially hard about everything that has transpired this year. There have been several huge changes that I can think of at this moment, most of which are happy and good, but one in particular makes me sad and also makes me question how I feel about the whole year.

My papa died a few days before Julian’s first birthday over the summer. It was just before I started this blog, so I didn’t really write about it here, but it was certainly one of the top five most life altering things to happen to me. Your grandparents are among those few elite people that, until it happens, you feel like will be with you forever. I don’t think of any of my grandparents as “old”, in fact, when I think about them I think of them as being 65, active, and immortal. It still doesn’t seem real that he’s gone.

Because of papa’s passing, I feel like this year goes from an overall great year full of lots of big changes to a sad year. The year that one of the people I love most passed away.

I know I don’t have to feel that way, so I’m trying not to.

Instead I’m focusing on how huge of a year this was for me. It has been the year that has made me feel like I’m gaining purpose and starting to figure out what the beginning of my life is all about.

I’ve felt more like a mother in the last year than I did in the first 6 months of Julian’s life.
I’ve gained about 4 times as many responsibilities as I had in 2012.
I’ve developed my passion for and knowledge of design so much that I’ve become confident in selling my designs.
I’ve begun to catch a glimpse of what being in a happy, healthy relationship is comprised of- although I hope 2014 will bring more revelations in that department.
I’ve started to become a more honest friend, sister, daughter, granddaughter, and girlfriend in the best of ways.
I’ve also known what it feels like to occasionally struggle financially, and I don’t want to feel it again in 2014.

I guess you can say that in 2013 I’ve started my adult life, whether I was ready for it or not. I don’t know the age when other young people start to feel like an adult, but 20 has been mine, and 2013 has been the year for that to happen to me.

Overall, it was a truly life-changing year. There were so many new things that happened to me, both internally and externally, and in these last few hours of 2013, I’m proud of the person I am so far and I’m excited for the person that I will be at this time, 365 days from now.

Julian's Birth Story // Part 2

Last week, I shared with you the "first part" of Julian's birth story, so I have the rest of it now for you to read.

I gave birth on a Monday, and for 2 nights I walked laps around the maternity ward so that I could leave that hospital and finally get to hold my baby. People visited me and brought me gifts, and we chatted about what was going on with Julian. I pumped my breast milk and had family, who were going to visit Julian, deliver it to him in coolers.

When I finally got to see him in the NICU, I was so excited and nervous. I opened the doors to the NICU and I knew right away that he was in the first incubator by the door. There was a nurse at his station, and when I walked over, she asked me if I was his mom, and I immediately started crying and laughing at the same time. They let me take him out of the incubator and insisted that I try to nurse immediately and that I hold him against my bare skin. They had to come tell me to put him back into the incubator several times because I wanted to hold him day and night.

That night, Dom drove me home so I could stay in my own bed. I opened the door to my room, and broke down. My parents had set everything up while I was at the hospital. It looked like there should have been a baby in the room, but there was just me and Dom. How was I going to sleep at home while Julian was struggling to breathe in an incubator, in a hospital 30 minutes away from me?

Well, I did. I slept that night in my bed, but for the next 10 nights I slept in a chair by his side. They told us 3 times that he would be going home the next day. Each of those times, a doctor came to us and told us “not today”, and each time it made us even angrier. Finally, I was so exhausted physically and emotionally that I slept at home, and I felt guilty about it the whole night. 

I woke up the next morning, and I could feel that it was going to be a great day. I made sure Dom came with me to the hospital, and I made sure we had the car seat with us. We took our time getting to the hospital because we were still feeling like the day that we brought Julian home would never come. We were about a block away from the hospital when a nurse called us and with so much excitement in her voice, she said “Are you coming here today? Julian is going to be able to go home!”

It felt like years passed between the time that we entered the hospital and the time that we finally were discharged. Paperwork and questions and last minute tips and information were the only things in our way of taking our little guy home. We were both so happy and excited, but so nervous because we would have to take care of him on our own. Without help from nurses.
I had so many fears and worries, but I never voiced any of them because the thought of finally being this guy’s mama overshadowed all of them. And it turns out that none of those fears mattered because he was amazing. 

I still feel like someone cheated me out of the experience that I imagined. When I think about it, talk about it, and write about it, tears come to my eyes because I can still feel all of my fear and anxiety from the time I knew I would have a c-section to the time I brought Julian home. My labor didn’t last a few hours or days. It lasted for weeks because there is no labor greater than what your heart goes through when it is feeling a million emotions and they’re all contradicting eachother.

In the scheme of things, I’m so lucky. There were babies in the NICU that were there for months, and there were probably some there that didn’t even make it. There are mothers that have never been able to hold the babies that they create, and mothers that never get to take their babies home with them. I know I’m lucky to have such a healthy, smart, funny, and loving 18 month old sleeping soundly in his crib right now. We were blessed with a happy ending, and I am so grateful for that.

But next time, I hope I get a happy beginning, too.

Some random feelings involving Christmas

Download this super cute Christmas printable from Nest of Posies here!

This Christmas really feels different than any other Christmas in the past for a lot of reasons. The main reason is that Julian is old enough to be excited about what will happen on Christmas and Christmas Eve. (A.k.a. opening/receiving gifts.) I still don’t think he “gets” it, so I’m not going overboard on everything Christmas, but it’ll definitely be interesting to see how he feels about all of the gifts that are coming his way. Being a mother brings a whole new meaning to holidays, Christmas in particular.

I feel a mixture of emotions when I think about the pressure that is put on parents to teach their children what they want them to value about the holiday season. I feel excitement because it can be such an amazing, beautiful time for kids. I feel anxiety over instilling in him the “right” ideas and values. And I feel nostalgic when I think about my Christmases as a child, and the things that I want to carry over to Julian, and the new traditions and values that I hope to bring to the table as he grows older.

One of the things that I’m proud to have thought of in regards to gift-giving is that Julian (and me and Dom and future children) will only get one gift from Santa. Santa will bring each of us the thing we want most. I think this idea came from thinking about all of the movies and songs about Santa, and how each little child gets one gift, and they all seem to be the thing they want the most. For us as parents, it means less worry about getting a million perfect gifts and then choosing which ones will be from Santa. For Julian it means not expecting tons and tons of gifts from us AND Santa.

I loved Christmases as a kid, and I still do. As I grew older and the things I wanted got smaller and more expensive, it looked like I got less gifts. I appreciate all of the things I have been given, but on those years where I didn’t feel like I got as much as I usually did, I wish I hadn’t grown accustomed to receiving enormous amounts of presents. Being given that sense of entitlement can be poisonous to a kid, because then they grow up into adults that never seem to be satisfied. Around Christmas that dissatisfaction is terrible. Not only is it just a bad trait to have, but being dissatisfied with the things people are giving you, out of the kindness of their hearts, is really confusing and sad to feel. You know its wrong, but you can’t help but feel it anyways.

I want to find the balance between making Julian feel loved and excited about Christmas, but also feeling gracious for the things he does receive, even if his pile of gifts looks sparse one year compared to the others.

The past few days have been dedicated to what is becoming last-minute gift shopping. I’m still thinking about the “perfect” gift for each of the people I want to buy for, but I’m also running out of time and money. Mostly money. Leave it to poor planning to make what should be an exciting and fun experience of gift buying into such a stressful time for me. I’m the type of person that starts planning for Christmas financially in October and has the intentions of shopping little by little for a few months, and then all of a sudden it’s Thanksgiving and I'm crunching numbers and trying to figure out how to stay current on bills AND still get everything I have to get for Christmas. I’ve already vowed to start my own version of a Christmas Club account at the beginning of the year so I won’t have to pay out of pocket at this time next year.

The stress of purchasing shouldn’t overshadow the fun part of buying gifts.

I’m so excited to be hosting my second little brunch this coming weekend. Dom’s mom is going to Texas to visit his sister, Alauna, so we’re having her and her boyfriend over for Christmas brunch on Monday morning. (Weird day, I know. It’s the only day we all have off!) I love any excuse to have people over and make yummy food and get my little place all spiffed up. The tentative menu includes a French toast “casserole”, vegetable and cheese strata (sort of a cross between quiche and casserole), probably either breakfast sausage or bacon, cheesy grits, fruit, and yummy beverages that I haven’t quite decided on yet. I would also love to do cinnamon rolls with icing as a desert, and some kind of desert cocktail that we can sip on while we open each other’s presents.

So, stay tuned for all of that fun!

So, so far this Christmas is relatively low-key, and I intend on it being relaxing and fun. I’m saving all of the big guns for next year, when Julian will sure to be basking in the glory of Christmas and all the things that come with it. We’re dipping out toes into the Christmas pond this year, feeling things out and deciding on our own views and traditions as a family, so that next year we can be prepared to teach Julian all about it.

How many gifts do your kids get from Santa? Do you tend to go overboard or do a little less in comparison to others out there? When do you start planning financially for Christmas? Do you have any gift-giving traditions? I would love to hear what you think about anything I mentioned above!

Stay sane!

It's really December?

Is anyone else feeling like they need a long nap today? I’ve had (almost) a nine day break, including weekends, and I was so not looking forward to working this morning. Luckily the day went fast and I’m missing Julian a ton, so I’m looking forward to seeing him all night!

I’ve been sick since last week, so I’m embarrassed at my lack of blogging, or any computer use at all, really. But, it has felt good to just enjoy time with my guys, my couch, and Netflix. I always start to get super stressed around this time because of last-minute gift buying stress, so I can’t promise I’ll be any greater of a presence on the Internet in the coming weeks. I’m really looking forward to getting myself organized for the new year and enjoying Julian’s second Christmas and our first Christmas in our apartment.

I didn’t waste any time starting to decorate because I was so excited, and I also didn’t waste any time starting my home made Christmas cards, which I want to write more about later, or tomorrow.

In the meantime, I hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving, and that you’re not nearly as stressed out as I am!

If you are, let’s promise each other to take a breather and remember the things that really matter. Sometimes I forget, don’t you?

A Little Bit of Halloween

So, Halloween is over and the real fun begins- candy binging. Julian looked amazing and he had such a good time visiting all of our family and staying up later than normal. he was such a good boy- we had seven places to visit in about two hours. He was literally bouncing off the walls of the Hilton where Dom works (we visited him at work)- running around the hotel lobby pointing at the huge lights hanging from the ceiling and touching things he shouldn’t have touched. He was a huge hit!

"A doting mother smiles at her pensive child" -Olivia Bauso

A fun-filled Halloween with him should be a satisfying way to end the month, right? While I realize this, I feel like I dropped the ball where Halloween is concerned. I barely decorated (my one strand of borrowed Halloween lights pooped out after one night), didn’t carve my two (TWO!) pumpkins, didn’t buy any candy (I doubt we would have gotten trick-or-treaters to our apartment), and didn’t do any fun crafts (even though I Pinned dozens, probably). I kept promising a how-to for Julian’s amazing Peter Pan costume, but the only time we were able to get outside to take some good pictures, it was freeeezing! And by the time we got him dressed last night, it was dark here in Central New York. That combined with his hummingbird-like speed last night doesn’t make for any good picture-taking opportunities.

Peter Pan making The Hilton Garden Inn his Neverland

My priorities must be all wrong, I know. I should have just enjoyed the moment rather than trying to capture the picture of the lifetime. Ugh, I can’t stop being sad. But we still got some decent in-motion pictures good enough to share.

Ready to take flight? I think so.

Note- Dom’s friends were at the Hilton, so combine the three of them with me, my sister and best friend Morgan, that’s six people that were trying to get one picture of this boy. He was like a celebrity and we were like his paparazzi- which probably made him want to run from us even more. I’m surprised he didn’t punch us or knock our phones out of our hands and stomp on them a-la-Llamar Odom.

Next year I'm going to make an effort to make some more memories leading up to Halloween, and focus less on getting a good picture and adhering to a strict visiting schedule.

So, here’s to another month down and one month closer to the end of another year that is going by way. too. fast.

PS. This month I’m sponsoring Danielle over at Sometimes Sweet- one of my favorite blogs! Be sure to stop over to her blog and show some love!