As the hours left in 2013 begin to disappear, I’m finding myself thinking especially hard about everything that has transpired this year. There have been several huge changes that I can think of at this moment, most of which are happy and good, but one in particular makes me sad and also makes me question how I feel about the whole year.
My papa died a few days before Julian’s first birthday over the summer. It was just before I started this blog, so I didn’t really write about it here, but it was certainly one of the top five most life altering things to happen to me. Your grandparents are among those few elite people that, until it happens, you feel like will be with you forever. I don’t think of any of my grandparents as “old”, in fact, when I think about them I think of them as being 65, active, and immortal. It still doesn’t seem real that he’s gone.
Because of papa’s passing, I feel like this year goes from an overall great year full of lots of big changes to a sad year. The year that one of the people I love most passed away.
I know I don’t have to feel that way, so I’m trying not to.
Instead I’m focusing on how huge of a year this was for me. It has been the year that has made me feel like I’m gaining purpose and starting to figure out what the beginning of my life is all about.
I’ve felt more like a mother in the last year than I did in the first 6 months of Julian’s life.
I’ve gained about 4 times as many responsibilities as I had in 2012.
I’ve developed my passion for and knowledge of design so much that I’ve become confident in selling my designs.
I’ve begun to catch a glimpse of what being in a happy, healthy relationship is comprised of- although I hope 2014 will bring more revelations in that department.
I’ve started to become a more honest friend, sister, daughter, granddaughter, and girlfriend in the best of ways.
I’ve also known what it feels like to occasionally struggle financially, and I don’t want to feel it again in 2014.
I guess you can say that in 2013 I’ve started my adult life, whether I was ready for it or not. I don’t know the age when other young people start to feel like an adult, but 20 has been mine, and 2013 has been the year for that to happen to me.
Overall, it was a truly life-changing year. There were so many new things that happened to me, both internally and externally, and in these last few hours of 2013, I’m proud of the person I am so far and I’m excited for the person that I will be at this time, 365 days from now.
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